On Monday morning,I was reading my “P.S. I love you” novel..and I regretted a little..i started tearing and my mood was terrible already..Then I realise my bro running in out with my adorable younger cousin bro..they weren't running about as in ‘chasing each other type’ of run instead it was more like they were looking for something..so..i got up and asked em’. My bro pulled me aside saying that his wallet is missing..then I envisage honeydew’s reaction..that was my bros birthday present from him..so..yeah..Then it immediately asked him where's his ID..he said its in his other wallet..I felt a sight reprieve then I advised him to tell my mum..but he refused. I didn't interfere with his decisions..i helped him to look for it then it was time for us to go out..we had to act normal or my mum would feel something’s wrong..they brought us to Boulevard..then my mum and my aunt dumped the kids with me at the arcade while they went for a foot massage.. how magnificent..i was forced to play the dancing thing-y and the mini bsb at the arcade in front of so many humans. Not funny..and don’t imagine.sigh~ My bro was hoping that we could go home instantaneously to look for his favourite wallet..After that,we went for dinner and eventually my mum saw the panic in his eyes and she managed to coerce the truth outta him..my mum didn't scold him instead she helped to look for it. In return, all she asked for was his ID..fair enough? I thought so too..

On Tuesday,my mum made an account and realised about a hundred and fifty bucks were missing from her purse..sigh. I was tuition-ing my bro when she told us that..sigh..i could'nt bring myself up to ask her for money anymore..who cares..In the afternoon, we went to visit my grandfather’s brother..he welcomed us so warmly..we had hazelnut cheesecake (my favourite) with mango juice for tea..lolz. Something still pissed me off..once my granduncle was busy..my mum was her usual self..helping around in that house..serving and stuff and guess what..no one appreciated her service..those who lives in that bloody house didn't even bother to lend a hand! As if it was meant to be like that. Somehow,that disgusts me..After that we went to the beach to play..we collected many sea shells..the main thing is..we had loads of fun.. we took pictures too..I’ll upload them soon..lolz. Later in the night, my cousins and I watched ‘Wild Child’ together..then I dozed off at 2 something..zzZZzz..
On Wednesday, my bro woke me up at 8..i almost punched him in the face..i had a horrible night..I was freezing and I had so little place to sleep..I bet I was punched yesterday night too..cause I felt bruises on my back..Then I striked me..i was suppose to go out for breakfast at 8.15 with my distant cousin’s family..argh!! I rushed like hell..and got there just in time. Phew~After breakfast,we went to a showcase for houses..my mum thought of buying a house there for me..at Senadin..Just because it is close to Curtin University and it only costs about 13k...even cheaper than the course I wanted to study.. Later on,we went to shopping. My bro didn't follow..we went to Imperial Mall. I tried to avoid the dvd shops but unfortunately..my mum went in one and found the exact same disc I bought for her coming Christmas pressie~I kept telling her not to buy but as usual..she insisted on why..i can’t tell. So she walked to the cashier almost purchasing her disc so I blurted out that I've already bought it as her coming Christmas present..There goes the surprise..sigh. At night,honeydew and I quarreled.it was because of my lack of time spent with him..it’s not something I wanted..but its just rude to use the phone when other’s are talking to you..and FYI..i’m always ‘interviewed’ bout my future and stuff..once I have free time,I would shower,sleep or sms him that’s all! And he’s grumbling..! Then he came out with something..He wants me to send him a bubble message with my mum’s phone..he then explained that its just so that when he misses me,he could hear my voice. My heart melted..he was being so sweet.. But at another point..i disagreed. I refused to do it.. I remember last 3 years..he kept all his ex-gf’s bubble messages..where she sang for him and left messages for him..and now..me…i don’t want to…ugh! I don’t know how to say it..i just don’t want.. I’m sorry..but as agreed,I would record my voice n your hp instead..just to compensate.

Prom 2008!!

Presenting...*ta-DA*..

*toshiro & hibiki*

this was suppose to be sweet..~just the blurness destroyed it.. sobz

i recieved flowers from honeydew on prom nite~

he made me the only gurl who recieved flowers that nite..

could he get any sweeter??lolz.

Katsushiro & Toshiro~!

i look kinda..erm..ridiculous..lolz..

*will upload more soon*

holidays?

Two days after prom..i went back to miri without my dad..only my mum,my bro and i. Some kinda holiday or more to visiting my grandparents. It was a routine since I was young that every year end I would go come here. Anywayz,the first day here..i had a function already. A dinner with my aunt and grandma. It was…ehem.. “great” in a way..lots of karaoke by aging ppl..haha.. That night I slept in my cousin sis’s room..it was a great nite..don’t get me wrong..lolz. I got punched in my tummy twice and lots of kicking by my cousin next to me and I got a shock of my life when the other cousin of mine laughed and talked in her sleep..haha you would laugh..

On the second day of my trip,things weren’t that fine..things changed as what ppl would say.. We were so closed when I once were a kid. Unfortunately..now..I felt somehow unwelcomed.Well..what could I do..? I am an outsider..In the afternoon,one of my distant cousin invited me to go shopping. I asked for my mum’s permission and ..ta da..permission granted. On one condition..my brother goes with me.. That was fine with me..so yeah.we went to parkson. When I reached there,I tried to find a dvd for my mum as her christmas pressie~not any ordinary dvd but.. the movie “Prince of Thieves” that my mum longed for..and it somehow extincted..lolz.was a 20 over years ago’s movie. During my ‘mission’..i looked in a few shops and I finally decided to ask the salesman.He told me to leave a number and he would..i quote“gimme a ring when he found it”..My cousins and I looked at each other with a “yeah right” look..haha..so I ran along and guess what…Mission accomplished!!I found it.All by myself~~ Mann~I’m proud of myself..lolz. Not long after,something came up and we had to go back.. I didn’t had time to shop for my bro’s pressie~too bad.
Later in the evening,my mum’s younger sis and her family brought us out for tea and later on,to the beach.. After dinner at the beachside,we went my aunts house..we watched a movie together..it was entitled ‘The Virgin Glass’ then we went home around 1.30 in the morning. Its still somehow called a home although it doesn’t feel much like it..daddy and honeydew..I missed you both so much..sweetdreamzz~

It was two days ago when honeydew and I went with another two of our ex-classmates to Taylor’s open day. Well, I asked about the course I was interested which was bio-med. It costs about 200K! Not including the tuition fees in Queensland. Sigh. I was really upset. There was no way my family could afford that. When arrived at the other college’s open day, we saw the FLY FM roadshow at the main entrance. We participated in some of the games and won magazines and 2 tickets for the premier of ‘The Day The Earth Stood Still’! Honeydew and I were so happy..then we entered the college. After consulting about everything..the prices for the cost had such BIG difference! Different by 100K?! impossible eh? I too asked about the pharmacy course. After that..we went for lunch then Ivan drove me home.

Once I got in I told my mum about everything. She took out her bank account book and told me that I could not study bio-med. My heart sank. It’s stupid if I asked why. I can’t do anything about that disappointment. I remained silent as I stacked all the catalogues that I scattered everywhere and then something caught my eye. The movie ticket. My mum saw the date and the time and clucked her tongue in censure. Once she saw the venue..i knew the answer right away. I left that room. I went to shower and when I came out..she was there on my bed..She advised me to take up the pharmacy courses instead. I didn’t wanna argue..so I agreed. She was delighted and told me that I should start in the month of May.

Today, I overheard my mum asking my dad about me studying bio-med. They sounded like they were quarrelling . Once I heard " I can’t afford". Immediately I left. I put on my best behaviour today. I did the laundry, made breakfast, volunteered to help with the gardening and many more.. Meanwhile, I was also hoping that tonight we all could go shopping. I haven’t buy the shoes for prom this coming Thursday. Sigh. I placed high hopes for that. After that I went for a shower. Then my dad asked where do I wanna have dinner. I told him that it is up to him but..i want to go shopping after that. He turned me down. I was very upset. I know its just a small matter but its not that y’know..it was my stupidity. I should have known never to place high hopes in anything at all. Sigh. Daddy said that he had work to do. I tried not to be whiny..then i i went back to my room. When i came down..he was SO BUSY watching TV..i was so pissed. I really don't understand why and what's the reason for him to let me down..But what could i do? After all he is my dad.

I’ve finally finished my last paper,EST. I thought it’ll feel good..instead..i feel really rotten. Honeydew invited me to an outing along with his friends tomorrow..knowing my parents..it’ll be impossible. He looked so down after I told him ‘no’..guilt flooded me. I too wanted to join but…why bother asking my parents when I already know the answers right? I tried using the excuse that I don’t wanna be the only girl there. It’s not nice I said. He then said that he found a girl that’ll be coming along if I go. He thought it’ll be a great apportunity for me to get to know some friends. I know he was just being nice and all but..am I really that pitiable that I need my boyfriend to intro a friend to befriend me? It’s not that I don’t have friends..its just that they got sick of me. Sick that I turn down every invitation they gave me..even birthday parties. Even my best friend didn’t bother to invite me to her little birthday party this year..i didn’t blame her..i knew it was all my fault anyway. After thinking so much..eventually my mood was down the drain. I remained quiet as usual. And again..he bugged me to talk again. I was rather pathetic today though. I asked him softly..who is that girl? He told me that the girl is some girl he knew from tuition. Different school but a nice girl. He said that she’s someone who talks a lot. She’s a little like me and him too. Like me as in pampered and like him as in she has a temper too.. I felt a hint of regret for asking. Covetousness I guess. Many thoughts filled my mind..He want’s me to be like her? Or he likes her too because she’s nice and also talks more than me.. OR..its just plain empathy? Ugh! I hate this feeling. Eventually he managed to cheer me up. While we were waiting at the gate for my mum to arrive..he convinced me to at least ask for my mother’s permission for tomorrow’s outing. It bugged me a little but still I agreed.

When my mother arrived,honeydew and I hopped into the car. Mum asked us how’s the exam as usual. Then I brought it up..“Mum,if my friends invited me for an outing tomorrow..could I ?” I asked.“ To where?”its all she asked.“MV for a movie..”I answered softly..looking at the back to try to catch a glimpse of honeydew. His expression was filled with hope.“With who?”she questioned again. “ Just a few friends..”I mumbled. “Hmm..what do you all plan to watch? Twilight?” her voice was soft..for a moment I thought she was about to say ‘OK’.. “ Yeah..” i answered.. “No.” a short answer is all she gave. Good thing I didn’t put my hopes too high. When I turned to the back again..i saw how dissapointed honeydew was. I felt bad..but I’d already told him not to place too high hopes..sigh. I mouthed “ I tried” to him and all he did was faked a smile and shrugged. When we reached his father’s office..he thanked my mum as usual and got out of the car. My mum then asked me again “Who were your ‘friends’ who invited you out?” I answered solemnly “Hibiki and his friends..” She nodded and remained silent. I guess she was expecting me to say Kimura.

I was upset. That’s all that I could use to discribe how I felt. When we reached home..i ate my lunch. As I was eating..my mum mentioned that she would ask my dad on whether to allow me out with my friends. I disagreed. I knew my dad would never allow. He always says that it is a dangerous world..something that every father tells his beloved daughter. But..sigh..i don’t wanna quarrel. Like yesterday..Kimura asked me..did I ever ask my dad why doesn’t he allow me to go out..I told her..there’s no point in it..No means no..no matter how much they explain..it’ll still be a ‘No’.. But my mum ignored me..she asked my dad through the phone. I hate it. Why does she want to do that to me..i had enough dissapointment for today. I know daddy’s gonna say no..it already hurts to think..it’ll hurt more if I hear those words coming out from his mouth myself. As expected..from my seat at the dining table,I could still hear my dad saying ‘no’ through my mum’s handphone. Today’s just not a good day for me. I brought everything into the kitchen to wash up. After exam’s or not..life’s the same. It does not make as much difference as the other’s of my age.

It was almost dusk when my mum and bro invited me to a game of monopoly. I was still kinda down while we played..and just somehow..my mum felt sorry for not allowing me to go on the outing,so she said that tomorrow she would treat us for a movie~the twilight movie! We overjoyed. How easily appeased i am..lolz.After the 5 hours game..my bro got broke so we stopped the game..That’s all now..adieu~!

Today I woke up once honeydew text-ed messaged me. He invited me over to study together. I replied ‘ok’ and immediately washed up. After showering, I walked out to grab a fruit juice and packed some food back for my mum,bro and I . After eating my brunch..i was about to leave for his place. Then..my mum,gave me a look. I asked her what and she said my outfit was a problem. I was like huh? I was wearing a short sleeved top and a short pants. AND it wasn’t those underwear-like-short pants. I thought I looked decent y’know. She insisted that I change into a long pants. I was rushing you see so I obediently went up and shove on a pair of jeans. She nodded to show her approval. Then she started reasoning to me why she insisted on me to wear a long pants. Then I interrupted.. “ All the while I’ve been wearing like this to his place. Why can’t I today?” And *ta-da* I got scolding again. First of all,for interrupting. Secondly,for not thinking at another point. Don’t get it? Well..her exact words were “Seeing a girl wearing short pants running in and out of their place! What would his father think? I’ll tell you..he will think that we, as your parents never taught you!” I was like, but I don’t see any problem in there..and there it goes again.. “Oh,of course. You only see from your point. You gotta look from another point! You can’t be so obstinate. You can’t expect everyone to follow what you think and what your views are..parents will be parents. What would you think daddy will say if Hibiki (honeydew) comes to our house in short pants?!” I sighed. I remained silent to avoid any further arguments. Yeah..my dad. I remember the last time when I introduced my father to honeydew opposite my dad’s office. My dad looked at honeydew from head to toe. His eyes were locked at honeydew’s shoe for a sec and back to the hand where honeydew held out for a shake. Daddy gave it a quick shake and walked away. Honeydew was wearing a t-shirt,a light blue jeans and a pair of not so white shoes. In normal occasions, honeydew looked perfect. But in an occasion like meeting my father? Not the right choice I’ll say. My dad really cares what other wears. That’s why daddy always want me to dress neatly and formally. Honeydew was a total contrast of my dad today who wore a silky black, collared, long sleeved shirt, tux pants with black leather shoes. Sigh. I hated it when my dad’s views are always based on first impressions.

About the other issue..I remembered the last time honeydew and I had a conflict. Not about my outfit but how stubborn I was. We were studying together with a bunch of his friends. I showed him an easier way to memorize the notes. He then recited the notes aloud and asked me to check whether he made any mistakes. It was then I realised he didn’t use my way. I remained silent. It seemed quite tough for him as he made mistakes here and there. I corrected his mistakes after he finished his sentence. His eyes were dark and he looked frustrated. He rigidly told me to correct him at the moment he makes the mistake. A few of his friends turned to stare at us. It felt as though I made a big mistake and he just scolded me. I wasn’t used to it, so my slow reactions in correcting him infuriated him again. I tried my very best and yet he started throwing tantrums at me because he couldn’t remember a part of the notes. I did feel the change in my facial expression. He tried to use a lighter tone and he told me that he wasn’t yelling or scolding me. It’s just that he’s aggravated that he couldn’t remember. Then I brought it up and asked why didn’t he use my way of memorizing..he misunderstood my meaning. He thought I was blaming him. It was then he said I was obstinate. I always want others to follow my way. I was on the verge of crying. I tried to shake it off. I place the notes back in his hands and turned away. I took out my own notes to read instead. My expressions changed. It wasn’t because I was angry that he didn’t use my way or he threw tantrums at me. In fact it was because I was quite upset that he said I was obstinate and also..I wasn’t any use to him. I mumbled that I was trying to help. He nodded as if he knew. Then he turned away to study on his own. So did I.

My mum hit the brakes and there I was, a few shops away from honeydew’s place. I didn’t know I was day dreaming that long already. I got off and walked up. I greeted his mother as I went in. His mother woke honeydew up from his nap. He looked rather gloomy and it was different than usual. Usually he welcomes me with enthusiasm as if I’ve been away for years. But today..he just looked up at me and reluctantly stand up. I tried to put on my best behaviour and went to the study table to prepare. He went to wash his face and sat there with me too. He looked exasperated. It made me feel that I was disturbing him. I felt bad and immediately asked him if he wanted me to leave. He looked at me thoughtfully and started to explain that he didn’t sleep well last night that’s why. Plus, he said he missed me a lot.. =) at least I didn’t feel the anxiety anymore. We then studied for about six hours before I left. Mum didn’t give me a hard time anymore too. Everything turned out fine again.

*sobz*

This morning I was kinda tired so I didn’t wanna go to skul..and then I thought of honeydew. It had been 4 days since I last seen him. I missed him. So I dragged myself outta bed,washed up and changed into my red cresson attire,white from top to bottom. When I got to skul,honeydew was at the main gate waiting for me. That pleased me a little. He was kinda moody in class,so I remained patient and tried to cheer him up..then finally it was our tea break. ‘Good’ I thought. He needs sugar in his blood. I let him go with his friends while I look for my physics teacher. After the tea break, he looked much better. So I went through my physics paper quietly in my seat while he was still with his friends. That was when I realised that my teacher missed one whole section while marking! HELL?! These are my Trials marks. I told honeydew so he went with me, looking for my physics teacher. She felt sorry and told me to find my form teacher to alter my marks. So we did. We were at the teacher’s room waiting for our turn to use the computer to alter the marks. 3 bitches,who were using the computer were taking their time.Honeydew walked in and look at what they were doing..I stood outside. After half an hour and they were still giggling away. Well that pissed me off. I looked at them and I saw honeydew giggling along with them,chatting so happily. Jealousy and anger overwhelmed my patience. I walked in and he told me they were about to finish.He turned back to look at them. Okay..i thought. I went back out. I was kinda fustrated so I sat at one of the teacher’s desk while listening to the teacher’s conversation. As usual, they were bitching about other teachers. I looked up again and I still saw honeydew chatting with the 3 of them but eye-ing at me. I looked away from his gape and looked for the time.. my patience had ran out. I had been waiting for almost 50 minutes for that damn computer. He walked towards me and asked me for my marks. I was thinking “WTH? I’ve waited so long just to tell you my marks and then YOU will do everything for me?” I was outraged and so I told him my marks and walked back to class. I didn’t wanna pick a fight in the teacher’s room. Mann I was pissed! So I looked for Kimura. It’s not that only when I have problems I’ll look for you,its just that.. i knew you’re the only one who can talk me out of my anger..as expected,I wasn’t that angry already..then,honeydew came to kimura’s class. He asked me why was I there and I replied cooly..”I came to chat with my friend,is it wrong?” He was like, owh..can..alright. Yeah..i felt bad..but..i was and still kinda pissed with him so I had all the rights to say and do what I want right? My ego was high..When Kimura’s teacher came in class,she realise that I wasn’t from this class and shoo-ed me outa the class..Great! I thought..i had no where else to go but my own class. So,I walked casually into my class and passed where honeydew was siting. I packed my bags and that was when we started arguing. It was his mistake that caused this argument but he managed to turn the cause to me. It was my discourtesy and detached manner he says. At that moment..I knew that I’ve lost.. I hate it when I lose. I hate it when I tear. I also hate it when he yells at me!! He always deny that fact that he does yell in an argument~As usual..everything got back to normal and we were smiling again.

We went to tution later on. Tuition was fun. We had add math and Biology~ =) After class,I decided to go to the pet shop to look at the puppies..Honeydew agreed too as long its not too long. I went in and looked for the young sales man that always entertain our visit. The other salesman attended to us. He was really unfriendly. He mock me~ at first I treated it as a joke but slowly his mockery had turned into an insult. It offended me so much so that I actually requested for honeydew’s help.. He just asked the salesman to stop..yeah..to me that wasn’t enough..it didn’t manage to plug his mouth more than a minute..I threw an offended look at the salesman. He then said he’ll take back all his words..i ignored him and said goodbye to the puppy I was handling and the handsome young salesman too..i walked outta the shop to dwell. Sigh..it was pathetic. No. I am pathetic..i mean..bawling in public! Honeydew caught up to me and actually yelled at me for not saying a word before leaving. I was speechless. Then he looked at me..i guess I looked horrible. He changed his tone and started to comfort me instead. After that, baby honeydew sent me to a bus stand at shopping complex while I waited for my dad to pick me up. I felt much better by then. Later at night,honeydew sms-ed me and he told me that he’s not really well. It got me worried. Then he called my mum’s phone to tell me that he’s not gonna be going to skul the next day. I too agreed to not go to skul. After that, Honeydew sms-ed me till we both fall asleep. That was it..my day had ended just like that. But..at least I had baby dew with me the whole time..i can’t imagine being alone.