I’ve finally finished my last paper,EST. I thought it’ll feel good..instead..i feel really rotten. Honeydew invited me to an outing along with his friends tomorrow..knowing my parents..it’ll be impossible. He looked so down after I told him ‘no’..guilt flooded me. I too wanted to join but…why bother asking my parents when I already know the answers right? I tried using the excuse that I don’t wanna be the only girl there. It’s not nice I said. He then said that he found a girl that’ll be coming along if I go. He thought it’ll be a great apportunity for me to get to know some friends. I know he was just being nice and all but..am I really that pitiable that I need my boyfriend to intro a friend to befriend me? It’s not that I don’t have friends..its just that they got sick of me. Sick that I turn down every invitation they gave me..even birthday parties. Even my best friend didn’t bother to invite me to her little birthday party this year..i didn’t blame her..i knew it was all my fault anyway. After thinking so much..eventually my mood was down the drain. I remained quiet as usual. And again..he bugged me to talk again. I was rather pathetic today though. I asked him softly..who is that girl? He told me that the girl is some girl he knew from tuition. Different school but a nice girl. He said that she’s someone who talks a lot. She’s a little like me and him too. Like me as in pampered and like him as in she has a temper too.. I felt a hint of regret for asking. Covetousness I guess. Many thoughts filled my mind..He want’s me to be like her? Or he likes her too because she’s nice and also talks more than me.. OR..its just plain empathy? Ugh! I hate this feeling. Eventually he managed to cheer me up. While we were waiting at the gate for my mum to arrive..he convinced me to at least ask for my mother’s permission for tomorrow’s outing. It bugged me a little but still I agreed.

When my mother arrived,honeydew and I hopped into the car. Mum asked us how’s the exam as usual. Then I brought it up..“Mum,if my friends invited me for an outing tomorrow..could I ?” I asked.“ To where?”its all she asked.“MV for a movie..”I answered softly..looking at the back to try to catch a glimpse of honeydew. His expression was filled with hope.“With who?”she questioned again. “ Just a few friends..”I mumbled. “Hmm..what do you all plan to watch? Twilight?” her voice was soft..for a moment I thought she was about to say ‘OK’.. “ Yeah..” i answered.. “No.” a short answer is all she gave. Good thing I didn’t put my hopes too high. When I turned to the back again..i saw how dissapointed honeydew was. I felt bad..but I’d already told him not to place too high hopes..sigh. I mouthed “ I tried” to him and all he did was faked a smile and shrugged. When we reached his father’s office..he thanked my mum as usual and got out of the car. My mum then asked me again “Who were your ‘friends’ who invited you out?” I answered solemnly “Hibiki and his friends..” She nodded and remained silent. I guess she was expecting me to say Kimura.

I was upset. That’s all that I could use to discribe how I felt. When we reached home..i ate my lunch. As I was eating..my mum mentioned that she would ask my dad on whether to allow me out with my friends. I disagreed. I knew my dad would never allow. He always says that it is a dangerous world..something that every father tells his beloved daughter. But..sigh..i don’t wanna quarrel. Like yesterday..Kimura asked me..did I ever ask my dad why doesn’t he allow me to go out..I told her..there’s no point in it..No means no..no matter how much they explain..it’ll still be a ‘No’.. But my mum ignored me..she asked my dad through the phone. I hate it. Why does she want to do that to me..i had enough dissapointment for today. I know daddy’s gonna say no..it already hurts to think..it’ll hurt more if I hear those words coming out from his mouth myself. As expected..from my seat at the dining table,I could still hear my dad saying ‘no’ through my mum’s handphone. Today’s just not a good day for me. I brought everything into the kitchen to wash up. After exam’s or not..life’s the same. It does not make as much difference as the other’s of my age.

It was almost dusk when my mum and bro invited me to a game of monopoly. I was still kinda down while we played..and just somehow..my mum felt sorry for not allowing me to go on the outing,so she said that tomorrow she would treat us for a movie~the twilight movie! We overjoyed. How easily appeased i am..lolz.After the 5 hours game..my bro got broke so we stopped the game..That’s all now..adieu~!