Exam's over..i thought all the stress would disappear..in fact,it got worse. I now have too much of ample time to simply think. i really didn't wanna be like this but..i just couldn't help it. He hates me in a way.. for now at least. Honeydew's mad at me..*sobz*..i guess he's starting to get sick of me. I know i ruined our anniversary..but still..i didn't want it.

Yeah,we argued again. i can't help it. He seems to have a problem with my attitude. I don't understand why. I haven't changed since the first year we've been together. It's my normal attitude. Not talking. It's always the problem. I dun understand why its a problem..i just wanna be by myself to think. But,sigh. I know i'm not a perfect gf or anything..but i've tried..i cut down on my spending,i use my own money when i buy most of my stuff,i hardly even shop anymore..and now..he admitted that he has some kinda money crisis. So? Its not tat i'll leave him for that. I'm not rich either. But why? Why must he push his luck? Yelling at me...I love him y'know..What can i do? Break up? It's impossible. What will i be w/o him? it's my fault for this. I rely on him too much.

I can't really bear rejections. Its not often that i ask for something..But if i do get rejected..come on..gimme some time to think properly..at lest then i could handle the rejection you gave me. Even for someone who doesn't really mind..you can't be telling me that they don't mind to be rejected right?Its impossible.You kept asking me to think at your perspective..why don't think at mine. I'm not as strong as i may look...Sorry.i love you.

anniversary

24th September 2008.

Today's our 2^nd anniversary~i was kinda nervous tho..i got him hand-made items whereby he got me a beautiful,knee length cream and white laced prom dress..it looked kinda like a modern wedding gown..just shorter.I was so shocked yet happy when he presented his gift to me..I was practically speechless.He's just amazing that's all i can say. PLUS he returned me the diamond ring that my brother broke last month.The diamond ring was my first valentine's gift from him. ^^ newayz..Today we had exams going on..Biology. One of my favourite subject. When i was just about say that today's the best day of my life,it turned out to be a fiasco. I made so many careless mistakes in my Bio exam and WORSE OF ALL..The diamond from the ring dropped off on my way to tuition..Mann~i felt so down. I couldn't even take care of such a small thing~As expected..i cried. It made honeydew feel bad too~not really bcoz of the lost but mainly it’s because of me crying on our anniversary. He’s just so understanding~

During tuition,our Bio teacher forgotten about our appointment. I was still really upset about the ring..so I was still kinda emotional. After waiting for our Bio teacher for around 1 hr ++, we decided to leave. I started sobbing again. Pathetic I know. On the way down the stairs,we ran into my Bio teacher. He saw me sobbing and he somehow panicked. He promised me that he would compensate for his mistake and give us extra time for the next class. I felt much better but everytime I look down at my ring finger,I felt like screaming! I mean,how could I be so careless?!! I hated myself so much for that.

When we were on our way home, honeydew kept comforting me..telling me that it’s alright and that we could get a bigger diamond the next time we get a ring. I know he meant well, but as I said,I was emotional and sensitive. I would think pessimistically. I love his thoughtfulness.Honeydew just remained calm and patient. I’m really grateful to have such a handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, kind, generous, brave, unbearable and loving boyfriend/fiancé..I love him with all my heart.

life sucks!
Agreed?
Sigh.i mean..i know that we must have ups and downs in life but..why mine is mainly downs???
When my dad started to make it up to me..i was kinda happy. But then my bro starts getting mad at me. Then when he's much better off with me?My mum starts blowing up. Argh!! I'm pathetic!

Honeydew loves me.yeah..but i'm loosing my friends. I tried to not neglect them but sometimes you can only choose one. Friends or boyfriend?Yeah i know..u guys might say you have known your friends for your whole life. Compare that with HIM? How long have you know that guy? And are you sure u really know him?
If i say yes? Others would think i've turned my back on them. If i say no? He would probably say i had turned my back on HIM.
Life's tough. Plenty of decisions to make. I hate making decisions. I suck at choosing. I would most probably end up loosing both!

One of my friend said something to me today. Guys these days dun take sex seriously. they're more to the "fcuk first,talk later" kind..so...hmm...i guess US girls better stay to the NSBM principle.

BTW..anyone checked out the twilight movie casts and crew? Jacob is hott~ but Edward was kind of a disappointment..he's just not perfect enough..you know the cast for Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the goblet of fire?yeah him. SIGH!!!!! Life's filled with disappointments too...

Back to reality now..Gotta rush back to tuition now.
zzzZZzz

my so called happy family~

My life at home.You know..i used to respect my dad ALOT but lately,he somehow went back on his own words..I remember around three years ago,my mum read my diary and he tried to stop her. He said she should respect my privacy..but now? He went checking my hand phone..not by looking through my hp but checking my account out through the internet! WTH right?? My whole history of sms,calls etc.. I dunno what else to say to him..so I've been ignoring him alot. I feel bad y'know..We've been so close my whole life..I loved him so so much. Many of you would say he has all the rights to check on me but..you guys would never understand how i felt.

My life with honeydew lately. Still he says things that could hurt me so badly like yesterday..but it last for a few minutes only..that's because i broke down too.pathetic i know. And..some fights now and then..seems..like a routine..but yeah..we're happy. =)

My schooling life. My additional math teacher delivered by cesarean to a twin baby girls. But they're only 7 moths plus. Still in ICU.Heard that the placenta almost detached so the cesarean was unavoidable. Which also means..i'm not gonna have any additional math teacher for the next two months..which is to my final examinations. There goes my hope to be a nutritionist..Sigh. If any1 has a friend or a relative that's interested to be a replacement teacher for math or additional math. Please do let me know. Thankx!